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Ethan looked at me and said,"Don't think too much.I just don't want to see my mom worry about you."
That night,I wrote in my diary,"Ethan is a god-like figure in my youth."
The year Ethan went to college,I was in my senior year of high school.He was admitted to a city not far from home.During my most crucial year,besides studying,I was secretly missing Ethan.I poured all my thoughts of him into my diary,writing,"I miss Ethan so much.I wish he could miss me even a little bit."
The day before getting the marriage certificate with Ethan,I was so excited that I couldn't fall asleep all night.I wrote in my diary,"I've finally married the boy I've had a crush on for ten years as I wished."
On the day I went to the temple to get the talisman,I made a small wish in my diary,"Ethan never believes in these gods and such,but I still hope he can come here with me just once."
…………
After this,the content in this diary became less and less.Probably because the days after marriage shattered all my girlish dreams and illusions.I seldom wrote in my diary anymore,and there was nothing worthy of my recording.
The last page of the diary was the day I decided to divorce.
It said,"I've decided to give up on him."
I never knew Ethan could cry so much.
When it was almost dawn,he finished reading the whole diary.Then he started drinking again.Empty wine bottles were scattered all over the living-room floor.He got up unsteadily but tripped over the clutter on the floor.
I subconsciously let out a cry.When Ethan fell,he hit the corner of the coffee table.Blood flowed down his forehead,looking terrifying.But he seemed not to feel it and just lay on the floor,his eyes empty.
"Amelia,come back,okay...I know I was wrong.Stop punishing me."
In a daze,Ethan murmured.
When Ethan woke up,regardless of his unhealed wound,he went straight to the temple.
It was the temple where I had gone to get the talisman for us.
Ethan,who never believed in gods before,was now kneeling in the temple praying.He knelt for half a day.Most of the tourists in the temple had left,but he was still kneeling there.
An old man in the temple saw how pious he was and walked up to him to persuade him,"Young man,some things can't be forced."
Ethan seemed not to hear.After a long silence,he said,"I just want her to come back."
The old man looked at his half-dead appearance,sighed,and was about to turn and leave.Before leaving,he left a sentence,"She's right beside you now."
I was stunned,and so was Ethan.
There were suddenly so many emotions in Ethan's empty eyes.He got up staggeringly,looking around,calling my name again and again.
For how many times before I had followed behind him,waiting for him to call me.But now,when he was the one calling my name like a madman, he would never get my response again.
There were two days left before my soul disappeared,and my state was getting more and more unstable.
I started to feel tired.Even thinking made me tired.
Scenes from the past began to appear in my mind,like moving pictures.
But in my hazy thoughts,I could always hear Ethan's voice.He was talking to me intermittently,even though I wouldn't respond.
"Amelia,I bought Summer a new cage.The previous one was gnawed by him until it was about to fall apart.I don't want him to escape again.If he bites me again,will you still tend to my wound?"
Probably not.
"Amelia,what secret recipe did you use for the sweet-and-sour pork ribs you used to bring me?I can't replicate that taste no matter how I try.Can you teach me?"
Silly,I bought those from a restaurant and put them in a lunch box to bring to you.
"Amelia,I don't think I can hold on anymore.Can I come and be with you?"
Ethan's words made me suddenly open my eyes in a daze.What I saw was Ethan about to take a large handful of sleeping pills.At that moment,I couldn't control myself and shouted,
"Don't!"
At this moment,I felt that my soul seemed to be full of energy.I could even clearly feel the temperature of the room and the breeze blowing in from the window.
Ethan's body shook when he heard my voice.The pills in his hand spilled all over the floor.He turned around in disbelief and looked at me.
He saw me,and I also saw my reflection in his eyes.
"Amelia...You're back,right??I'm not dreaming,am I?"
Ethan said in a hoarse voice,his eyes blood-red.
Looking at my disappearing hands,I realized that this was probably one last effort of my disappearing soul.I put on my most furious and decisive facade and said,"Ethan,what right do you have to die with me?Our relationship ended the moment we decided to divorce.We have nothing to do with each other anymore."
Hearing my words,Ethan's face turned pale as death.He looked at me sadly and said,"Amelia,I'm sorry.I just realized how completely wrong I was before.I actually fell in love with you a long time ago.I liked you since high school,but I didn't have the courage to to admit it.I dated others to cover up my feelings.I always avoided facing my own heart,but now I find that my feelings for you are so deep that I can no longer escape."
But his words were too weak.He could only keep saying"I'm sorry."
"Ethan,don't you think it's too late to say you love me now?"When I asked this question,Ethan's face changed.A sense of relief actually emerged in my heart."When I loved you,you always turned a blind eye.I made so many efforts to maintain this marriage,but you didn't care at all.It was your repeated harm and indifference to me that wore away my love for you.I once dreamed of getting your love,but your love came too late.Now,I don't want it anymore."
Every word I said was like a knife stabbing Ethan.I saw him lower his head,not daring to look me in the eye,his whole body trembling.He cried and said,"I'm sorry,I'm sorry...Please don't say anything more,Amelia.I will never let you down again.I will try to be a good husband.I will listen to whatever you say.As long as you're happy,you can do whatever you want to me...Amelia,please..."
The once proud and noble Ethan was now crying and pleading with me,something I never could have imagined.I shook my head and said,"It's too late,Ethan."
I felt liquid running down my cheeks.I touched it.It was tears.Why was I crying too?
"Ethan,I don't regret loving you in the past ten years,but these ten years of entanglement have made me so tired.If there is an afterlife,I never want to meet you again."
Feeling my soul getting lighter and lighter,and the scene in front of me gradually blurring,I took one last look at Ethan's face.
"Ethan,I hope you live.As we agreed when we were going to divorce,take care of yourself.Don't come and disturb me anymore."
At the moment I disappeared,I heard Ethan say,"I love you."
The story should end.
All the good,the bad,the painful,and the regretful things were left in the past.I was going to move forward for myself.
16
The room was terribly quiet,only the sound of paper flipping could be heard.
The water in the bathtub was getting cold,but Ethan didn't seem to notice.He was still flipping through the old-looking diary page by page.
A year had passed.I don't know how many times he had read it,but Ethan could now clearly recite every page of the content.
After reading the diary again,this time Ethan skipped the last page.
Putting the diary aside,Ethan sank his whole body into the water.He closed his eyes calmly,with a smile on his lips.
The stinging pain of suffocation in his throat hit him.Ethan felt something flowing out of his body,but this feeling was a relief to him.
Because this way he could see the person he had been longing for day and night.
Before Amelia disappeared,she told him not to disturb her anymore.Ethan had lived like a walking corpse for a year,and then he found that he couldn't do it.
Finally,Ethan made up his mind.He just wanted to take a distant look at her.He wasn't greedy.He just wanted to protect her and wait for her from behind.
As long as he could see her one more time,that would be enough.
The water in the bathtub was dyed red with blood.The man in the bathtub had a smile on his face,tightly clutching a purse in his hand.
In a daze,he saw the girl's bright face.She was running towards him,her eyes filled with joy.
"Ethan,I've been looking for you for so long.Why are you here!Let's go quickly.We're going to be late for school!!"
"Okay."
