Chapter 1
853words
That is — I can access chatrooms of various magical creatures through an enchanted crystal ball.
I enjoyed lurking in these chats daily, never posting anything myself.
Until one day, when pesky goblins invaded my cottage.
I finally posted in the group: "Does anyone know a reliable goblin extermination service around here?"
Almost immediately, a sprite with a fiery orange avatar replied:
[Two jars of jam. Non-negotiable.]
[I'm at your door now. Open up.]
And sure enough, there was a tiny sprite standing at my doorstep.
…
When Lilith hauled the last box into her wooden cabin, her elbow bumped against the crystal ball sitting on the table.
The orb flickered to life with a "ding" that sounded like a rusty door hinge.
Forest Messaging Network
[Pip joined the chat]
[Rufus joined the chat]
Lilith frowned. She definitely hadn't signed up for any magical chatroom.
[Avatar: An angry orange flame] Pip: Done! Just kicked another goblin out of the mushroom circle. Got paid in cheese!
[Avatar: A teary-eyed wolf cub] Rufus: Master won't let me practice my moon howling again. Says I'll wake the lumberjacks. Hell, I'm a werewolf, not some damn golden retriever!
[Avatar: A solemn pine tree] Eldrin: Too much chatter. Silence. Stillness. These are the virtues of the forest.
Lilith gaped at the ball. She'd somehow been dragged into some magical social network where none of the users were even human. With a sigh, she quietly closed the wooden cover of the crystal ball's base.
The silence lasted less than three seconds.
"Ding."
Just as she reached to lift the cover, the crash of breaking glass echoed from the kitchen. A shadow darted across her herb shelf.
The creature clutched a fistful of her freshly harvested moonlight grass, ready to escape through the window.
A goblin. Of course.
Lilith snatched up her broom, but the goblin leaped onto the ceiling beam, flashing a grin with teeth as yellow as rotten corn. She couldn't reach the pest, and the cottage was too cramped to swing the broom effectively.
Desperate, she remembered the strange chat group from earlier.
[Avatar: A blank gray circle] Lilith: Goblin in my house! Anyone know a reliable pest control service? URGENT! This little thief is stealing all my herbs!
[Avatar: A colorful little flowers] Grim: Oh dear, one of those nasty little thieves that takes anything shiny? They have absolutely zero taste.
[Avatar: A white horse with wings] Tilly: Scared… Do goblins cut off wings? A stinkbug tried nesting on my tail once and I nearly died of fright!
[Avatar: A majestic pine tree] Eldrin: Most irritating.
A new message suddenly appeared:
[Avatar: An angry orange flame] Pip: Two jars of human jam. Non-negotiable. On my way.
Before Lilith could even ask "what kind of jam," three sharp knocks rapped at her door.
"Ding!" The orange avatar flashed again.
"Human, I'm here. Open up."
Lilith opened the door, glanced around, then finally looked down.
There stood a tiny creature barely reaching her knee. His orange hair stood straight up like a flame. He wore pointed brown shoes, had his hands planted firmly on his hips, and glared up at her with fierce determination.
"Where's my jam?" he demanded.
Lilith pointed inside. The sprite Pip squeezed through the doorway, spotted the goblin prancing on the beam, and scowled. He raised one tiny hand and snapped his fingers toward the pest.
A bolt of orange light shot out like a bullet.
The goblin shrieked as its body deflated like a punctured balloon, whooshing out through the window and vanishing into the forest.
Pip dusted off his hands as if he'd merely swatted a fly.
"Done." He turned to Lilith and extended his palm. "Payment."
Lilith retrieved two jars of strawberry jam from her kitchen cabinet. Impressed by this efficient "exterminator," she felt compelled to show her gratitude and couldn't resist reaching out to touch his fascinating flame-like hair.
Pip immediately jumped back, eyes narrowing suspiciously. "Head pats? Not part of the service package. That'll cost you one cheese bread."
With a sigh, Lilith dug out the last of her travel rations from her suitcase and handed it over.
Pip tucked the jam jars under one arm, clutched the bread in his other hand, and strutted toward the door. He pulled it open, then glanced back at Lilith.
"Next time you need help, you know who to call."
The door clicked shut behind him.
Lilith returned to the table where the crystal ball was flashing frantically.
[Avatar: A teary-eyed wolf cub] Rufus: A human? Is she a witch? Does she have any meaty bones to spare?
[Avatar: A colorful little flower] Grim: She pays in jam! Human jam is absolutely divine!
[Avatar: A white horse with wings] Tilly: Will she come to cut off my horn? I'm terrified… whimpers
The final message came from Pip:
[Avatar: An angry orange flame] Pip: The human's alright. Nothing to worry about.
[Avatar: An angry orange flame] Pip: Professional goblin exterminator, mushroom patch repair, lumberjack deterrent. Satisfaction guaranteed. Rates available via DM.
